Interested in someone?

Of late, I'm thinking a lot about what triggers a romantic interest in you?

After a little bit of contemplation, good bit of observation, past personal experience and research from few blog posts, few books and a little bit of tinder & trulymadly ( ...panting now!), I think there are 4 categories in developing this sort of an interest. 

1. Physical attraction: You like the way the person looks. It could be the dressing sense, the colour of eyes, the hair style, the body language, the complexion or the build. You just like looking at the person!
2. Demisexual: You are emotionally attached to the other. The other person means a lot to you in your life. Intense, you cannot imagine your life without him/her. You seek each other's company to share your feelings. You acknowledge and value each other's mood swings. You are not happy when the other does not give you enough time and attention. You are upset when the other is down. 
3. Sapiosexual: You are convinced with a good bit of reasoning that this is the person who you like to be with. You treaded all the possible paths and in some way or the other your options converged to this person. You debate, you question, you play and you may (sometimes) mislead each other but you are a team, no matter what!
4. Spiritual: You believe that you are meant to be together for reasons you can't explain. Perhaps this is a divine calling. You may not belong to the same faith but you believe that a super natural power unites you. You believe things the other person believes in. You may not be from the same region, religion or may not even speak the same language but your faiths align.

    This diagram is created using creately and is copyrighted to me.  When you show this to girls I'm interested in, please make sure you mention that it's reproducible under NPL (Naveen Public License).

To verify my observations, I took some attributes as a thought experiment to verify this model. 

• For example, you are interested in financial status. It falls under sapiosexual circle because it shows that you are convinced that the other person can support himself/herself to earn a comfortable life style. However, it can be in any of the intersection regions with demisexual circle like you are certain that the other person will not think about a wealthier one (I just made this up. Don't judge me on this one, OK?) or it can get into physical circle as well as you can spend some bucks on grooming.
• Another example, you are interested in adventurous types. It falls under sapiosexual circle again because you are convinced that the other person can take risks to keep the his/her interests alive and possibly yours too. It, again, may fall into physical category as well, because the person may try physically challenging things and so stays fit. ;-)

To conclude, I feel our interests fall in the intersecting region of all the circles. That sweet spot, my friends, is difficult to reach! 

Hope you liked this read!
Let me know if you like it / don't like it.

A (fake) report on positive effects of unpredictable sexual behaviour

[ Disclaimer: All the ideas/statistics quoted in this article are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to characters in real life known or unknown is definitely not coincidental ]

Predictable sexual behaviour is popularly believed to foster trust, healthy relationship building, social security and team building. With sexual preferences evolving, this is an interesting time we relook various aspects of sexual behaviour.

Conversations (verbal/electronic communication) are the core focus of this analysis. There has always been a debate* on spontaneity vs consistency in the sexual conversations. A sample space from one of the most used dating apps were asked about their preferences on various aspects of their exploration of sexual preferences of their partners. A surprising 81.9% felt that clear, crisp and straight forward conversations are boring because they tend to be predictable. Universal facts (29.3%), daily personal events (61.4%), career achievements(32.2%) and passion of life(45.0%) are marked as major turn offs by the participants.

That raises and interesting question “With a person you haven't met before, what creates the spark of interest?”

Looks, understandably, remain in the top 53.2%.

What followed, stunned the team of researchers

Element of surprise (32.7%), Adventure – Complexity in reaching out to somebody (31.2%), Anticipation (25.3%)

This implies that the sample group favoured unpredictability as a major turn-on in their sexual exploration. This could be largely attributed to the fact that some values – Honesty, straight-forwardness, emotional transparency, intellectual honesty and so on – are pretty much understood and the participants consciously and carefully avoid conversations in these areas.

When asked to explain, unexpected delays during rendezvous or dates increased their feelings of intimacy because they share their care and rush of emotions clearly. Participants (roughly 67.1%) thus favoured a touch of raw emotions compared to conscious (and controlled) exchanges of ideas.

The transformation period from expressing interest to realizing the interest to a convincing level in both the partners is crucial for dating apps. The results of this study will uncover many potential research areas around the elements of surprise in budding relationships.

*Some random reference you needn't bother going through. Get back the topic now!

Restlessness

You wake up in the middle of the night. The lights across the street glow dimly. You wonder if it is morning already. The blanket is half on the floor. Pillow 45.5 deg from the position you put it in. You know something is wrong.

It's not a bad dream because when it is, you remember all the gory details like you wake up next to someone you don't know or the strair case which has all the steps equally spaced but for one or you are extremely comfortable in a place you have never seen before talking a language you've no idea where you heard it from.

You hear the clock ticking. That damn thing doesn't stop!

You might think it's an RPC from your beloved and start checking gmail, fb and whatsapp! You try to read. You feel thirsty but don't feel like drinking water. You definitely know there's something totally out of place. You've felt it any times before. That crazy sensation which sets you off on a boolean - may be it is / may be it's not.

You badly want to discuss this with someone but you are afraid what they'll think about you. They might judge you as someone immature or even confused. Your head is reeling, your knees are trembling and you can't even swallow. Your belly is helpless and you are not even hungry.








That's exactly when you should know you have an indigestion.
Go, get a pill!

What else?

They all say "listen to your heart".
Right now, that goddamn heart doesn't say anything.

It troubles to realize that you have to listen to it but it doesn't listen to you. But still you are responsible for it.

You have to secure it like you take an oil lamp with your hands around
(1) keeping it alive from the winds - not letting external forces control it,
(2) not burning your hands - you try to control too much, it hurts you
(3) let it burn out - you can't let it go after things which don't matter 

I don't like my heart.

Case study

Party A contracted party B for an initiative. B is supposed to provide services in a domain, which will help A move the needle forward in their business. In the initial days, A had big plans on the potential and visibility of the business which led to great energy and enthusiasm in both the parties to make it work. B, being new to the business, wanted to learn and deliver great results and make their mark. A made sure B doesn't have to worry about resources in terms of timely bonuses, trainings and timely feedback.

This situation went on for an year.

Over a period of time, A went through a shift in the topline management who had a different perspective about how things should happen. A had new expectations and fresh experiences from rest of the world, some relevant, some tried and tested, some erudite and some amazing! B on the other hand failed to see the perspective because of no visibility or rationale behind the changes. B was sure not only about how things can be made better in their perspective, but also was very clear about how things don't work. B, however, was very upset about the career opportunity, exposure and motivation levels with the ever demanding regular responsibilities of the contract. Though B is efficient, B failed to see things which A considers rudimentary in their deliverables.

A decided to do an analysis on how the responsibilities of the contract of B can be restructured. They estimated that 1-n responsibilities of B can be split by simple divide and conquer. 1-j, j-k, k-m and so on. By doing so, (1) we can track the progress (2) we can compensate better and (3) we can achieve simultaneous execution. The challenge however is to integrate the whole effort. We can see how big this challenge is as we move along. Considering our experience so far, this has to work.

B is not the only contracting party A has worked with.

PS: A is me and my flat-mates. B is our cook. :-P    

What I learnt from the Marwadi lady...

It's very colourful traditional outfit 

Was walking along the pavement on a rainy day and smelt some nice rice flour pakodas. Turned all around sniffing for the source and ended up at this pakoda-bajji counter. There I found her with her little son flocked all around by her customers.

I skeptically approached her looking at her bajji flour and the oil frying on the stall which moves on four wheels. Pointed at her colder aloo bonda (aloo masala stuffed into a bajji) section with doubt written all over my face and asked her "Isme chana daalthe hai kya?" (Did you use chickpeas in this?)

She didn't care to take a look at me. She handed over a couple of parcels to the customers around. I ask the same question again thinking she may not have paid attention to me. She made her mind up to deal with this snobbish query of mine finally and grabs a couple of bajjis and spills some chutney over those damn things and shoved that paper plate into my hands. I thought she would say something but she didn't. She didn't even look at me, damn it!

I, to an extent feeling uncomfortable for having provoked her, nibbled that aloo bonda from the end dipped in the mix of mint chutney and tamarind chutney. That's how I really tasted the source of that catchy smell that pulled me to that place. It was simply 'yummy'. I had to ask her for more. That's when she looked at me for a fraction of a second for the very first time.

After savouring another helping of those bondas, I demanded, "Kitna hai?" (How much for those?). She now, wraps her sari and tightens the free end around her waist and asked back with a growing smile, "Kaisa laga?" (How was it? - How did they taste?) That's when I gave up and said "Bahut achcha hai" (They were very good) and smiled back at her. I heard another customer mumbling to her, "Jab aap banathe ho, bure kaise honge" (When you cook, how can they possibly get bad?)

I don't miss looking out for her when I walk that path every time.

This was a simple demonstration of confidence on your product and knowing the pulse of the customer. She knows what she's doing and she's good at it.

It works! Wait...

Things that work and things that didn't/don't work for me

1) When you make mistakes, complaining and deliberating doesn't help. Analysing and repenting is not enough. You got to fix them and tell yourself it works.
2) In the enthusiasm to pull people together beware of losing your real self. You cannot afford to be receptive to bullshit. 
3) Leave scope for criticism. Accept the fact that things may not span out in the perfect shape all the time. When someone points out he/she cares.
4) Talk talk talk. About things that matter, the things you enjoy and the things that others enjoy. I don't hesitate to be silent at places when discussions are not constructive and inclusive.
5) Have fun, care and learn. You go to others or others come to you often for things you love doing. Call out things you are ignoring. 
6) Put things down. Thoughts fly away. Make sure you have representations: scripts, documentation, diagrams, photographs or videos.