Restlessness

You wake up in the middle of the night. The lights across the street glow dimly. You wonder if it is morning already. The blanket is half on the floor. Pillow 45.5 deg from the position you put it in. You know something is wrong.

It's not a bad dream because when it is, you remember all the gory details like you wake up next to someone you don't know or the strair case which has all the steps equally spaced but for one or you are extremely comfortable in a place you have never seen before talking a language you've no idea where you heard it from.

You hear the clock ticking. That damn thing doesn't stop!

You might think it's an RPC from your beloved and start checking gmail, fb and whatsapp! You try to read. You feel thirsty but don't feel like drinking water. You definitely know there's something totally out of place. You've felt it any times before. That crazy sensation which sets you off on a boolean - may be it is / may be it's not.

You badly want to discuss this with someone but you are afraid what they'll think about you. They might judge you as someone immature or even confused. Your head is reeling, your knees are trembling and you can't even swallow. Your belly is helpless and you are not even hungry.








That's exactly when you should know you have an indigestion.
Go, get a pill!

What else?

They all say "listen to your heart".
Right now, that goddamn heart doesn't say anything.

It troubles to realize that you have to listen to it but it doesn't listen to you. But still you are responsible for it.

You have to secure it like you take an oil lamp with your hands around
(1) keeping it alive from the winds - not letting external forces control it,
(2) not burning your hands - you try to control too much, it hurts you
(3) let it burn out - you can't let it go after things which don't matter 

I don't like my heart.

Case study

Party A contracted party B for an initiative. B is supposed to provide services in a domain, which will help A move the needle forward in their business. In the initial days, A had big plans on the potential and visibility of the business which led to great energy and enthusiasm in both the parties to make it work. B, being new to the business, wanted to learn and deliver great results and make their mark. A made sure B doesn't have to worry about resources in terms of timely bonuses, trainings and timely feedback.

This situation went on for an year.

Over a period of time, A went through a shift in the topline management who had a different perspective about how things should happen. A had new expectations and fresh experiences from rest of the world, some relevant, some tried and tested, some erudite and some amazing! B on the other hand failed to see the perspective because of no visibility or rationale behind the changes. B was sure not only about how things can be made better in their perspective, but also was very clear about how things don't work. B, however, was very upset about the career opportunity, exposure and motivation levels with the ever demanding regular responsibilities of the contract. Though B is efficient, B failed to see things which A considers rudimentary in their deliverables.

A decided to do an analysis on how the responsibilities of the contract of B can be restructured. They estimated that 1-n responsibilities of B can be split by simple divide and conquer. 1-j, j-k, k-m and so on. By doing so, (1) we can track the progress (2) we can compensate better and (3) we can achieve simultaneous execution. The challenge however is to integrate the whole effort. We can see how big this challenge is as we move along. Considering our experience so far, this has to work.

B is not the only contracting party A has worked with.

PS: A is me and my flat-mates. B is our cook. :-P    

What I learnt from the Marwadi lady...

It's very colourful traditional outfit 

Was walking along the pavement on a rainy day and smelt some nice rice flour pakodas. Turned all around sniffing for the source and ended up at this pakoda-bajji counter. There I found her with her little son flocked all around by her customers.

I skeptically approached her looking at her bajji flour and the oil frying on the stall which moves on four wheels. Pointed at her colder aloo bonda (aloo masala stuffed into a bajji) section with doubt written all over my face and asked her "Isme chana daalthe hai kya?" (Did you use chickpeas in this?)

She didn't care to take a look at me. She handed over a couple of parcels to the customers around. I ask the same question again thinking she may not have paid attention to me. She made her mind up to deal with this snobbish query of mine finally and grabs a couple of bajjis and spills some chutney over those damn things and shoved that paper plate into my hands. I thought she would say something but she didn't. She didn't even look at me, damn it!

I, to an extent feeling uncomfortable for having provoked her, nibbled that aloo bonda from the end dipped in the mix of mint chutney and tamarind chutney. That's how I really tasted the source of that catchy smell that pulled me to that place. It was simply 'yummy'. I had to ask her for more. That's when she looked at me for a fraction of a second for the very first time.

After savouring another helping of those bondas, I demanded, "Kitna hai?" (How much for those?). She now, wraps her sari and tightens the free end around her waist and asked back with a growing smile, "Kaisa laga?" (How was it? - How did they taste?) That's when I gave up and said "Bahut achcha hai" (They were very good) and smiled back at her. I heard another customer mumbling to her, "Jab aap banathe ho, bure kaise honge" (When you cook, how can they possibly get bad?)

I don't miss looking out for her when I walk that path every time.

This was a simple demonstration of confidence on your product and knowing the pulse of the customer. She knows what she's doing and she's good at it.

It works! Wait...

Things that work and things that didn't/don't work for me

1) When you make mistakes, complaining and deliberating doesn't help. Analysing and repenting is not enough. You got to fix them and tell yourself it works.
2) In the enthusiasm to pull people together beware of losing your real self. You cannot afford to be receptive to bullshit. 
3) Leave scope for criticism. Accept the fact that things may not span out in the perfect shape all the time. When someone points out he/she cares.
4) Talk talk talk. About things that matter, the things you enjoy and the things that others enjoy. I don't hesitate to be silent at places when discussions are not constructive and inclusive.
5) Have fun, care and learn. You go to others or others come to you often for things you love doing. Call out things you are ignoring. 
6) Put things down. Thoughts fly away. Make sure you have representations: scripts, documentation, diagrams, photographs or videos. 

Solitude

She wondered why people are so obsessed about having a companion. Is it not easy and simple to be in control of your own life?

Guys are always a step away from your call but if you let them come forward and help you, they assume responsibility and take advantage of your friendly demeanor. You bet they come back with allegations like "You smiled happily when I toiled so hard to call a taxi for you. And now you say friendship?" Guys are not only self-centered but also hypocritical.

She thought about how all the authors she'd read talk about complicated women. "Are men not complicated?"she thought, "Are they not opportunistic? Are they not power mongers and do crazy things? Politicians, Businessmen, Engineers..."

"Guys are desparate", she told herself.

A genuine heart is what she longed for. An understanding smile, a soft touch and a warm hug. Is it so hard to find? As days went by, her longing seemed to wither. Days got longer and nights shorter. She got tired of implications and chit-chats. She smiled her days away and laughed her parties off the lips. She hated how shallow people are!

She doesn't seem to remember her dreams anymore. "I'm more mature now. I don't have time for this.", she convinced herself.

She looks at herself in the mirror everyday and says to her image, "I'm single and I'm very glad I'm. I'm thankful I'm".

Rasaswadanam

( I'm not an artist so my explanation should be considered as a mere opinion/observation.
Would be glad to discuss and correct my understanding. )

Rasa - is not just a feeling. It's an expression of state of mind associated to an emotion.

Instead of going into explaining all the rasas, I would use this reference
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rasa_(aesthetics)

All forms of art invoke rasa. The subtility of the rasa depends on the understanding between the one who tries to express and one who feels. Those who are into the art forms know that the beauty or rasa is very much linked to the moment. Composers, performers, writers and painters roam around the world in search of rasaswadanam (experiencing and appreciating various rasas).

Rasaswadanam, despite it's celebrity status in the art, depends highly on the emotional relevance of the art form. Music performers do a careful study of the venue and audience to pick a rasa for exploring. Some factors which enhance or distract rasaswadanam could be the level of mastery one has in the specific form of art, one's tastes in exploring the rasa, one's style of expression, the environment (audience/venue/weather/nature/current events/social causes), personal connect to the rasa and sometimes a spontaneous experiment. It needn't only happen in a planned setting where you have a concert or an exhibition or a classroom or a practice session, it happens in life everyday... with probably every person you meet.

If one could identify and echo the most relevant rasa for the moment one is in, wouldn't the world be a better place!

It's debatable whether one has to be truthful during the evoking the rasa. Art doesn't make that distinction clear. My take on it would be : A rasa is as truthful as it's relevance.

"Rasaswadanam through ragas" is a topic I would like to save for later.