Restlessness

You wake up in the middle of the night. The lights across the street glow dimly. You wonder if it is morning already. The blanket is half on the floor. Pillow 45.5 deg from the position you put it in. You know something is wrong.

It's not a bad dream because when it is, you remember all the gory details like you wake up next to someone you don't know or the strair case which has all the steps equally spaced but for one or you are extremely comfortable in a place you have never seen before talking a language you've no idea where you heard it from.

You hear the clock ticking. That damn thing doesn't stop!

You might think it's an RPC from your beloved and start checking gmail, fb and whatsapp! You try to read. You feel thirsty but don't feel like drinking water. You definitely know there's something totally out of place. You've felt it any times before. That crazy sensation which sets you off on a boolean - may be it is / may be it's not.

You badly want to discuss this with someone but you are afraid what they'll think about you. They might judge you as someone immature or even confused. Your head is reeling, your knees are trembling and you can't even swallow. Your belly is helpless and you are not even hungry.








That's exactly when you should know you have an indigestion.
Go, get a pill!

What else?

They all say "listen to your heart".
Right now, that goddamn heart doesn't say anything.

It troubles to realize that you have to listen to it but it doesn't listen to you. But still you are responsible for it.

You have to secure it like you take an oil lamp with your hands around
(1) keeping it alive from the winds - not letting external forces control it,
(2) not burning your hands - you try to control too much, it hurts you
(3) let it burn out - you can't let it go after things which don't matter 

I don't like my heart.